A Match Made in Hell: When Swiping Replaces Romance

From Soulmates to Screens: Is This Really Connection?

"We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all."  – Eleanor Roosevelt

If there were a degree for dating app disasters, I’d have earned a PhD by now. Thirty matches, thirty almost-connections, thirty stories that never made it past chapter one. Over the past three months, I’ve witnessed potential turn to dust more times than I can count. Swipe, match, chat, fizzle—love isn’t built anymore; it’s scrolled through and discarded.

Funnily, dating apps have introduced me to a kaleidoscope of characters—some charming, some bizarre, and most just temporary men. Sure, I’ve met a handful of "nice guys", the ones who who seem genuine at first but somehow never manage to stick around. Maybe they were unreliable, or maybe they just weren’t husband material. But the real irony? It’s like they have a built-in eject button that goes off the moment things start feeling real.

Dating apps turn romance into a revolving door, where people enter and exit before anything real can take root. This brings me to my own experience—let’s call him: The Placeholder Opportunist. 

We had a six-hour phone call, packed with lines straight out of a rom-com. Gems like, "It feels like I met another me", and "It’s been a long time since I connected with someone this well". It all seemed promising. I was giddy, caught up in the rush of effortless conversation, the kind where walls come down and laughter comes easy. For a brief moment, it felt like I had found someone who truly saw me.

And then, just like that, the script flipped. The good morning texts? Gone. The thoughtful check-ins? Now just radio silence. One day, he was all in; the next, it was as if I’d imagined the whole thing. To top it off, he casually mentioned meeting someone else—this was from the same man who was "too busy" just days prior. I asked myself if I’d been too naive, but the experience left me with a bitter truth: some people aren’t looking for connection, just convenience. And the real heartbreak is realising... they were never truly yours to lose.

The disappointment wasn’t just about him; it felt like a symptom of a larger issue. Dating apps have gamified romance, transforming love into an algorithm-driven game, where attention is currency and commitment feels like an afterthought. In theory, more options should make love easier to find. Yet, it creates a paradox: the harder we search, the less we seem to find. Have we traded deep connections for instant gratification, or is this just the new normal? When love is distilled into a numbers game, can anyone truly win?

What is Gamification of Romance? 

Dating apps have turned love into a high-speed game, one that feels more like spinning a slot machine than forming real connections. 

Nader (2024) highlights how gamification fuels instant gratification, distorting self-perception and reinforcing algorithm-driven biases. Each match, like, or message delivers a quick little dopamine boost, encouraging users to keep swiping. This turns the search for love into something addictive rather than intentional. Over time, validation feels transactional, and self-worth becomes tied to the metrics like the number of matches or responses.

Algorithms also amplify engagement biases, prioritizing swipe patterns and superficial appeal over deeper compatibility. Profiles that align with societal beauty standards are pushed to the forefront, while those who may be more compatible in terms of values and goals are often sidelined.  As a result, true connection take a backseat to fleeting attraction.

Why does gamification of romance occur?

Barry Schwartz’s (2004) Paradox of Choice explains that while options can be liberating, too many choices can lead to anxiety, decision paralysis, and dissatisfaction. Instead of making dating easier, the abundance of options makes commitment feel daunting. There is always the nagging thought that someone “better” might be just one swipe away.

This surplus of choices has also fostered a culture of disposability, where individuals are reduced to fleeting interactions. Ghosting and breadcrumbing then become common, making it easier to abandon conversations than to invest in genuine relationships. Ironically, the app that promises more opportunities for love often leave users feeling lonelier than ever.

The Takeaway

So, what’s the solution in this gamified world of romance?

• Swipe with intention, not addiction. The thrill of the next match fades fast, but real connections come from mindful choices, not mindless scrolling.

• Love isn't a shopping spree. The illusion of endless options makes it tempting to keep looking for “better,” but meaningful relationships are built through time and effort, not browsing.

• See people, not profiles. Behind every swipe is a person with hopes and feelings. Choose respect over ghosting, and connection over convenience.

"Too many people are looking for the right person instead of trying to be the right person." – Gloria Steinem.

In a world where dating apps turn love into a numbers game, maybe the real challenge isn’t finding the perfect match, but becoming someone who’s ready for real love. Because when we show up with honesty, kindness, and intention, the right connections have a way of finding us. And maybe, with a little patience, love can feel less like a chase and more like coming home.