Asian Parenting: From Actions to Affection

Many Asian parents love their children deeply but they often struggle to express it in ways that their children can easily feel. Instead of verbal affirmation, Asian parents frequently show love through actions like providing food, education and discipline. While these gestures stem from care, they can sometimes leave children feeling emotionally neglected. This is not due to lack of empathy, but rather because many parents grew up in environments where emotions were not openly expressed. This blog explores how Asian parenting influences emotional development and how integrating elements of Western parenting can help create a more emotionally supportive environment.

Asian cultures often emphasize respect, discipline, hard work, and academic achievement over emotional expression. Many parents believe that strictness prepares children for success, and worry that showing too much affection may spoil them. For example, instead of saying "I love you," parents may push their children to excel academically or scold them when they fall short. The underlying idea is that pushing children harder will lead to a better future.

I remember one time I bought a gift for my parents, hoping to make them happy. Instead I was scolded because they thought it was a waste of money and believed I should focus more on my studies. For me, preparing a gift was my way of expressing love and showing appreciation, but for them, it was seen as a distraction from my studies. This difference in perspective made their "tough love" feel more like pressure than affection.

POV: Me when giving gift to my parents

Emotional expression in Asian households is often influenced by past generations. Many parents grew up in environments where emotions were were rarely discussed and naturally replicate these patterns with their own children. For example, there is a stereotype that boys shouldn’t cry because crying is seen as a sign of weakness. Children are often taught to be strong by not showing emotion to others, as showing vulnerability might be perceived as a weakness others could exploit. This belief further suppresses emotional expression and makes it difficult for children—especially boys—to develop healthy emotional communication skills.

Children raised in emotionally reserved households often struggles to recognize and express their own emotions. This does not mean they lack empathy; rather, they may find it hard to connect deeply with their feelings or express affection towards others. In extreme cases, this can lead to emotional neglect, where a child feels unseen or unheard despite their parents’ physical presence.

Through conversation with friends, I've realized that many individuals who grew up in such households report feeling disconnected from their emotions or unsure of how to express vulnerability. They might also struggle in romantic relationships or find it difficult to comfort others because they lack a model for emotional communication.

While Asian parenting emphasizes discipline and resilience, integrating aspects of Western parenting—such as emotional openness—can provide a more balanced approach. Western parents often encourage children to talk about their feelings, provide verbal affirmations like “I’m proud of you,” and show affection through hugs and quality time. These actions help children feel emotionally secure and valued.

When a child achieves something, Western parents typically offer timely praise and encouragement. Even in the face of failure, they provide comfort and help the child analyze what went wrong. These practices foster emotional resilience and a sense of unconditional love.

This does not mean Asian parents should completely abandon their traditional values. Instead, small changes can make a significant difference in a child’s emotional well-being. Simple gestures like offering words of encouragement, listening without judgment, or saying “I love you” can go a long way. Striking a balance between discipline and emotional support can nurture both success and emotional health, creating a more fulfilling parent-child relationship.

Parenting styles are deeply rooted in culture, but they can evolve to meet the emotional needs of the next generation. By blending the strengths of both Asian and Western approaches, we can create a more supportive and emotionally rich environment for children. After all, a little warmth and understanding can turn tough love into a love that truly resonates.